9 Lessons That Every Girl In Her 20s Should Learn

So after nearly a year of graduating from university and entering the adult world, I feel like this stage has been a massive learning curve. Sorry to be cliché but my 20s have been like a roller coaster (and I'm only 22 now ha) and I can confirm that the quarter life crisis does exist! I feel like no one ever really explained how much of a huge adjustment this stage is. This has left many of us thinking ‘why has everyone else got their shit together except me?’ When in reality, from speaking to my close friends, we are all experiencing the same fears and anxieties about our 20s. There is a sense of comfort in knowing this, so I thought I’d make a list of lessons that us girls need to practice in our 20s!

1) Scrolling through Facebook, Twitter, Instagram constantly every day will make you feel rubbish. People obviously portray the best version of themselves online and it’s not healthy to read constant updates like ‘Omg just got my dream job, love my life!’, ‘Moving to London with my BFFs’ or ‘Starting my journey around the world, see ya in 6 months’ – DON’T TORTURE YOURSELF. Also you don’t want to become jealous – that’s not an attractive quality nor a trait of a successful person. No one is going to post that they had to move back home because they couldn't pay their rent. People have the same worries as you and things aren't always as dandy as they seem. Don’t worry about what other people are doing, focus on what YOU are doing!

2) If you don’t feel confident fake it. This is something I preach but haven’t fully mastered! Just in the last few days I got told in both my annual review at work and in my driving lesson that I need to be more confident and doubt myself less. On both occasions that struck a chord because I was fully aware that this was an issue holding me back. You will never be 100% confident and you can’t always predict what it going to happen, but you can change how you react to obstacles. Don’t react by going home crying and end up in a downward spiral of misery. When one thing goes wrong it’s very easy to focus on all the other negatives in your life. Try to control that. Go and challenge your failures or insecurities and believe in yourself.

3) Writing a list of everything you like about your life will make you feel 100% better and focus your mind. This is a great way to achieve lesson 2. It's so easy to list all of the negatives in your mind, I've sometimes tried to think of the positives and it’s quite difficult. Force yourself to actually jot them down with pen and paper – your list will grow and it will remind you of all the times in the past that you've achieved something great, perhaps something against the odds. It reminds you that you have the capacity to accomplish greatness when you’re in the right frame of mind!

4) Take the time to figure out what you want to be. At university I was dead set on being a surveyor, I was obsessed and after countless applications and months of trying it didn't work. I felt like I’d failed, this was what I wanted to do but it wasn't happening. When I moved back to Essex I frantically applied to do any job and starting working as a Finance Assistant in an advertising agency. I’d occasionally go to surveying interviews until one day I had a massive realisation that I don’t think I would even like that job. No offence but I felt that it was a bit of a snobby industry - would I even like the people I worked with? I started thinking that I’d be suited to something creative, maybe PR or advertising – this had literally been in front of me the entire time! What I'm trying to say here is that you might think one career path is right for you, when it’s not. Use this time as an opportunity to try out different sectors and find your passion! And don’t worry if your passion is something like playing piano that doesn't pay much, if you love what you do and work hard, the money will come!

5) If you don’t have a hobby find one. Apart from making you seem like a super interesting individual, having a hobby is great outlet for you. I set up this blog because my soul was desperate for a creative outlet. I sometimes have an awful day at work, but once I’m at home posting on my blog my mood is totally transformed. If you are ever having a down day, go and play tennis or learn a language, whatever is good for your soul. You’ll stop wallowing in sadness and feel really productive!

6) Stop analysing your horoscopes. This may not apply to you, but a lot of girls I know analyse their horoscope – I in fact used to as well. I spent like a solid month reading my horoscope and analysing it every single day. I took it as gospel. I needed that reassurance that things would be ok and that something amazing would be right around the corner – I noticed I was only reading this when I felt sad or out of control of a situation. Instead, I should have spent that time working on changing my situation, not relying on the words in a cryptic horoscope. If you talk to guys not one of them will say they read horoscopes – probably because we live in a male dominated society where men believe they can do anything whilst women feel less in control of their life events. But you can be in control, so quit reading the damn things!

7) Start saving money. I spent my first few pay cheques mostly in Topshop, Pizza Express, the work bar, and on taxis home from the bar… I hadn't saved a penny and I wanted to enjoy myself which was fun until everyone I knew suddenly jumped on a plane and went travelling. How did they have the money? How can they afford to go travelling? How can they afford that new car? Whilst some have generous rich parents, most people probably knew what they wanted to do and saved for it. They probably weren't going out every week like I was. What’s even worse than not saving is getting into debt – I haven’t ever had an overdraft or credit card, but I have so many friends that have racked up thousands in loans and the only worst thing than having zero in your bank account, is having a minus! Even if you save £100 a month, you’ll feel so much better having something to show for all those hours at work!

8) If you have a dream, write down a plan. Say you want to save up for a deposit for a flat, write down a logical plan for the next year for example. Plan how much you can realistically save each month and how long it will take to save the amount you need. Having a logical plan stops you from getting depressed and saying things like ‘omg I’m never going to be able to move out’ or ‘omg I’m never going to go travelling’ Write those goals down and plan how to attain them!

9) Find inspiration wherever you can. A few months after graduating, my friends Soph, Marie and I were endlessly Whatsapping each other motivational quotes. We’d just find them on Instagram and send them to each other– It was funny because when we were in our bubble at university we’d judge people posting these quotes like ‘lol that’s so cringe no one cares’. Then once we’d been thrown into the lonely adult world of uncertainty we were like 'OMG YOU NEED THESE QUOTES JUST TO GET THROUGH LIFE'. I'm not saying you should spend hours finding these quotes or reading self-help books, but you definitely should put the advice into practice if it does motivate you. I have a postcard in my room which states 'doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will' and I always have that in the back of my mind when I hesitate on an opportunity. The majority of the time you will be your own worse demon.

Let me know if you girls have any other lessons to add! x